Is there enough time?

A friend came to visit Kamalashila. He is wondering if this may be the last time they see each other. We do not know. Friends come, one by one. Usually one per day. Which seems to be doable. How much time do they spend with each other? How much time is enough? Time to be on your own. Time with friends, with work, on your phone. A lot of my time seems to be about waiting. Waiting for another breath. Waiting for results, for people to arrive, for people to go, deliveries, medical help, answers. I would like more of those. Waiting to calm down. What is the best use of my time. Of our time. Of our time together. Of our time apart? We were never just sitting around holding hands. At least, not much of the time. Actually we do do that a fair amount. But sometimes Kamalashila just wants to be alone. I understand. I see he needs it. Yet it can still hurt.
I went to have my hair done. She asked me if I had any plans for the Summer. I cried. All my future arrangements are on the basis of: will I be able to honour them. This is not clear. I am not sure how I will be and crying is not always a good look. How much time will I need to recuperate? My friends tell me: you will pull through. You always do. I am not so sure. Sometimes I think: I am not sure if I can do this. But I will have to. And I am not alone in that.

KS under a standing stone near Bosullow, Penzance, Cornwall, Sept 2012.