A week has gone by and there have been no health upheavals for KS. I am enjoying the calmer waters. If all goes well, he will be embarking on his second round of treatment tomorrow. It is an intricate journey of negotiating kidney values and the capacity of the heart to work with the drugs that will be entering his system. Luckily last week’s hospital event did not form too much of a hindrance to continuing the treatment plan. The best news is that the calcium in his blood has normalised. Hypercalcaemia has been the nemesis since all of this started to manifest in April. And now it seems to be in the past. We are not at all out of the woods yet, but it is a hopeful sign.
Even though it has been a relatively calm week, my system seems to be in overdrive. I have to tread carefully. I have been on long walks, have had baths and taking it fairly easy when I can. Yet my heart wakes me up in the middle of the night and then I just have to wait until everything calms down again. I can help a bit with cups of tea and some quiet reading, some paracetamol and antihistamine, but basically I just need to wait and gently feel into that body of stress. It has some clearing up to do. A backlog of tension.
Some parts of my life are starting up again. I go to a meeting, facilitate an online session for a museum, make a start with teaching some classes again. The day after we heard about KS’s revised diagnosis and prognosis, I filled in an application for a Lambeth tour guide course. Earlier this week I did an interview, gave a presentation and was admitted to the course. It is something for the future. There is now a plan for the year ahead. I am learning a new skill, putting more roots down where we live, meeting new people, spending time on research and hearing more about the past. I remember a Dutch Buddhist teacher saying: if you are looking after the now, the now will look after the future. It feels wonderful to have some plans. It feels this new step is a good way to look after myself now and in the coming months. May it be so.
